Sometimes I have have to talk and think about something else other than running. I think about running to near obsession, whether I'm running well and that is when I proudly write my times down in my running log and go along with my day in near euphoria or, as it has been in the last 6 weeks, not so well, where I think: what is wrong with me/my body? Why can't I keep up. Am I not trying hard enough, should I be trying harder, should I be doing more? Why can't I keep the times I was able to hit 2 months ago? Why can't I breathe? Etc., etc., etc.
So, I've just learned that I have asthma. I thought that I had dodged that bullet. My father, my brother, my child, all have asthma but not Brooke. Not Brooke the marathoner. I learned that I have been working with 20% less oxygen that a woman my age normally works with. Okay, so I guess that that is good that I learned that there is a reason for my breathing issues and I guess that it good that I'm likely to be able to control these issues but I'm not so happy with all of the meds that are now on my kitchen counter. I know that some out there are thinking to themselves, this is all that is wrong in your life, Brooke? And I guess that I could agree with them because in a way they are perfectly right... This is the worst thing I'm dealing with right now. But the thing is, when something you love, that your mind and body adores, turns against you and starts to deplete you, what are you supposed to do with that?
This is what I learned: Work with what you've got on any given day. Don't compare yourself to others or to past runs. Run for the beauty of movement and not for the stopwatch. Listen to yourself. More is sometimes not better. Don't over-think things. Do your best. Appreciate where you are. Appreciate the now. Enjoy your surroundings. See beauty. Freedom. I'm laughing at myself as I'm writing this because I'm wondering if I can heed my own advice and also because I sound like those old posters 'Everything I need to know in life I learned in kindergarten, or from my dog etc.!'
Anyway, all is good. I'll figure this all out and hope that this sidestep doesn't hurt the Philadelphia Distance Run and the Steamtown Marathon. Luckily, I won't need to be running sub 6:30's. :) 5 weeks and counting...
P.S. This really is more than just a butterfly. I saw this butterfly out of the corner of my eye and ran into the house to get my camera. It was still there and it kept flitting from one Zinnia flower to the next. I must have watched it for a few minutes. My mother gave me the dried seeds from her flower heads of last years garden. I didn't do much to make them grow. Just dug them in and gave them some water. Maybe that's what my body needs; just a little rest, water and sunshine and maybe a few glasses of wine ;)
Cheers and it is a beautiful day for a run!